She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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