my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
