How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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