so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
