Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
