Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
