I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
pray to the hookup gods
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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