i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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