With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
