Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
