and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
