i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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