He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
