So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
nutella sex= disaster
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
