dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
