I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
