he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
