I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
