How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
this is an emotional support booty call
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
