I cockslap morals
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
