When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
