i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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