All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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