Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
