Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
