I want you more than these girls want KFC
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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