thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
