I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
