maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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