were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
