it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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