Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
