Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We got so high we made milksteak
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
