Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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