She said her name was "party"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All the doctor said was why
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
