Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
