I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You don't make any sense
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