you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
