Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
do nipples grow back?
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