I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
