The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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