listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All the doctor said was why
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
