I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry about my life...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
