my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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