I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
