thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
