so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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