make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
