I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
