all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
